It's never the same...

 As time passes and things change, I believe you change your habits and avoid the oblivious because things really never change, you just push them around in your mind and for a while, they get lost in all the clutter.  This week is Abbie’s Birthday and like some thoughts, I have pushed it back into a small compartment in my brain but my brain it is filling up with small boxes.  I believe it is our safety mechanism to not think about unpleasant things but certain days, they are forced into the forefront.  Abbie would have been 11 years old this week and until I thought about it, I was OK and I only thought about the “pleasant” days but today, just like the day she died, it’s something I won’t ever forget.

Abbie, her Father Clancy, and Mother Molly are together, it will never be the same... 
 As a dog parent, you move on to other things to keep your mind busy when you lose your beloved pet.  When my dogs were young, it’s something I never thought of, never. How could they leave me, we’re buddies forever and ever, never to part, but things happen and with some, you may see they gray creep in and others, they are gone in a flash.  With Abbie, I died a thousand deaths, every day was the last day for her in my mind and I always hoped for another and for nearly 3 years while she was fighting cancer, I got my wish for more time, but that day came, it's always because death is always hovering in the shadow of a dog.

Her last day on this earth
In the photo, she is laying on her father's grave as I dug her grave next to him.

As I remember Abbie’s life, I remember the wonderful ways she was, my protector, my ball of energy and my confidante and cohort.  Usually 90 percent of the time, she had a ball in her mouth and was wet.  She was always full of energy to the point it was aggravating and annoying but, oh how I wish I could toss her a Frisbee right now. 

As I celebrate all of my dogs’ birth, I also remember the day they died.  I remember the good life we had and the fun and excitement we shared.  I will also walk the steps of their life in my mind and I will actually walk the path we shared on the day of their death.  It’s bittersweet to be able to remember the first time you saw them and even more, to travel back in time to the last day you were together.  

No, it’s never the same and never will be, you can kid yourself and other people will tell you that things will get better but it doesn’t, maybe for some but not me.  All I can do is keep the good memories in front of the ones that are bad but eventually, they creep in and you live that exact moment they are gone again…

We’re all are in the same place if you have lost a dog, but celebrate them and the things you did with them, never feel guilty because of the “should of's or could of's” we could have done.  To them, it’s enough that you loved them, had a gentle hand for them and loved them with all your heart and not how many times you threw a Frisbee but make no mistake, it will never be the same when they are gone.   As I pain so much because of her death, I celebrate her life and our relationship together.   Happy Birthday, Abbie Dabby Doo...  Ken