A Very Hard Moment...

Since June 1, 2010 I have writer a weekly story about my life on the farm with our dogs.  It has been the best of times and sometimes the worst, meeting many people who I have interacted with and sharing story about my triumphs, fiasco's and funny stories.  The blog takes nearly 8 hours or better to write and I always pour my heart out, sometimes too much info.  It was always about the dogs, mixed with a message or two, and personal experiences.  Even now it is emotional for me to go back and read some of the stories but I do because it takes me right back to “that” day and the dogs I love.   

I have pondered and wrestled about stopping my weekly writing for some time, and right now my heart is just not in it because I feel I force myself, maybe someday, but right now I’m resting.  To the ones that read them, know nearly every word was true and know that I am passionate about my dogs and even yours… but I’m sure you can tell. 
Several times I have written about dogs that were saved by people and circumstances but often I have written about my dogs and the stuff they get into.  When we had to re-homed Shepp years ago, I wrote about the day he left, the day we went to visit him and the day he came back home.

With the development of Abbie’s cancer, going back and looking at some of the stories about her, I know too soon, she will be gone and the stories will be all I have of her.  If I do outlast my dogs, it will be something that I can always reflect back on and spend priceless moments with every one of them.

I never have regretted a story I wrote and hopefully in some small way, I have helped someone or a dog have a better life.   I have built chicken houses, dog houses and even out-houses through the blog, it’s literally part of me.  Just writing this memo, I have gone back and relived my past and hugged my dogs as I did today but unfortunately someday, I may read them and have no-one to pet and I can’t imagine, but I will dream. 

If you were a reader, thank you.  It was nothing but a gift to me to be able to share my thoughts and life with you.  I don’t intend to stop, just reflect, which I do a lot.   I have never written the stories for you.  The stories are for me, it was a release of my emotions and to tell anyone who would listen how my beloved pets make me laugh and cry and they do… One of my favorite passages that I have used often is;

“By now, you must know that there is always a goodbye hovering in the shadows of a dog. We are never here for long, or for long enough. We were never meant to share all of your life, only to mark its passage. We come and we go. We come when we are needed. We leave when it is time. Death is necessary. It defines life.
I will see you again.
I will watch over you.
I hope, in your grief and loneliness, that you will consider how sad it would have been had we not had this time together, not had the chance to give each other so much.
I do not morn or grieve, but I will miss standing beside you, bound together on our walks through life, even as I know that there is a long line of others waiting to take my place and stand with you.
Thank you. It was nothing but a gift.
And finally, I ask these things of you:
Remember me.”  Jon Katz

I do intend to remember them and many many times I sat at my computer and choked up from the emotions of the story and the circumstances that happened.  I always wanted more than a collar with tags when they’re gone and so the stories came for a reason.  I do read them every so often and it is a both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply.  Ken

Some of my favorite post are;