Monday

What, Why and Now



This story will be very hard for me to write because it is about me in a serious nature.  At heart, I am an introvert.  I don't like birthday parties, praise, attention or anything that puts me in the limelight.  But it gives you a little insight about me and the condition that I have been blessed with.  This story is about me and I owe it to you.  It’s not for praise, pity or glorification to anything or anyone, it is just the meat of my life so far.  The later will be embraced with things I believe in, some right some wrong, but it’s what I believe.  I have written my “What Happened This Week” column for nearly three years and feel I owe it to you…This is what happened this week…
Death has come easy for me; since I was a young lad I have always felt it was right at my back.  It started when I was 5 years old and having asthma attacks and I would not be able to breathe.  I would hide in the bathroom and wheeze and gasp for air in the towel so my mother would not take me to the hospital because I was told that I would die of it someday and I didn't want it to be that day.  So far it has not, so far…
Death, true death is not the ugly monster we always think of, it is just the absence of life here on this earth.  At times it can hang for an extended period of time, living longer than it should and at times it may be in an instance and be upon you before you even realize it.  The five times for me, it came very quick and if you have never experienced it, it’s not always ugly, but peaceful.  If you are at peace, death is a blessing and something we should look forward to.  Going to Heaven is my ultimate goal.
The first experiences were when I was in law enforcement.  Once in a gun battle, I could actually hear the bullets wiz by my head and I knew I had a job to do and did it.  At that time I was invincible and didn't care, but I was at peace.  The other work related one was when I was traveling down a two lane road at nearly 130 miles trying to get to a buddy and help him out because he called for a “10-30”, Officer Needs assistance. Something that is only called in extreme emergence.  I lost control and the road was lined with large trees and I knew I was doomed.  As God is my wittiness, this is the truth…Everything went into slow motion, yes it really did, a peace came over me and it came to my mind that I would be OK.  I spun that 1974 Ford nearly 50 times straight down the road and when it stopped on the right side of the road facing the right direction I went on my job and assisted.  In both cases, I remember dates, times and the names of the officers and people that were arrested and I don't know why. 
Several years ago, I had a diverticulitis attack.  I knew it was coming on (it feels like the flu) and I just happened to have started taking antibiotics two days before.  Things progressed south very quickly and I ask Elaine to drive me to the hospital in the early morning.  At the ER, my appendix burst and after I had a CAT scan and the ER Doctor saw the damage, I was told to “Make your peace now, you’re not leaving here, call your family in”, which we did.   The specialist, who was an older Doctor, said weeks later that the only thing that saved me was I had started taking the antibiotic two days earlier, something I had done on my own.  It’s funny; I was placed in the delivery room and placed on mothers’ newborn pink and blue sheets for life as I was dying because there was no room anywhere else.  The worst time of that event was when I facing ultimate death right after being told, “You won’t leave”.   My biggest regret was that I knew I could, and should have done more…I was embarrassed in front of God, which I still am.  Three weeks later as we were trying to get my colon calmed down, it busted again and we operated.
Monday morning August 26th of this year, after waking up, I walked 15 feet to the bathroom and while standing, my chest started itching.  I ran upstairs and took two Benadryl and started a cold shower.  I tried to blow my nose and my sinus cavities were already stopped up and I had large hives over by entire body.  I opened the door and told Elaine, “were in trouble” and we were.  We needed to go to the hospital right now and we did, but not before trying to find an epi-pen which we did not.  I was grasping for every breath and it just wouldn't come and I struggled for each small ounce of air and felt we wouldn't make it to the ER, but did.  I was whisk into the ER again and as I laying and watching from the bed, I could hear the Doctors talking, but nothing came out, I was locked up, no movement no speech, no pointing or no asking.  I only heard them say “We've got to do something”. As the tears ran from the side of my eyes I left this world.   They performed their works and did what they do and I was saved.  Two days later I woke up in the ICU unit and vaguely knew where I was.  I was transfer to a regular room where I had cerebellar stroke that they think was brought on from the anaphylactic shock.  Again, I was lucky; there is no damage, no muscle spasms, just a mild loss of balance that they say will soon leave.   This is the third time over three years this has happened, each time getting worse and they don’t know why.
I have often wondered why all of this has happened.  Is there more?  I’m sure there is.  This is the story, something’s even I don't understand.  There are many morally to this story, I hope you can find most of them, but most importantly;

Find Peace with God

Life IS short
Choose to Laugh
Choose to Create
Choose to Persevere
Choose to Praise
Choose to Heal
Choose to Heal
Choose to Give
Choose to Act
Choose to Grow
Choose to Live
Choose to Pray
But an epi-pin and know where it is

Read 1st Corinthians 13: 4-13

Most of this advice is hard and I don't always follow it, I wish I could but it’s because I'm weak.  I am a very opinionated person and it shows and I know it.  People I love, it shows, people I dislike it also shows.  I have hated and been wronged to the core of my depth and had reason to, but someone said that “forgiveness is a gift you give yourself” and after I thought of that, it was right and somehow the hate left and sometime things just cannot be changed, no matter how hard you try.  It is what it is, no matter what you do. 
What has happened to me is nothing compared to the pain many people have had, I have been very lucky and blessed and I have never had a prayer I have never had answered..  I have not had any problems compared to people who had real problems.  My dad once said “A man felt sorry for a gentleman who had no shoes, until he met a man who had no feet”  I have never felt sorry for myself nor want any pity, life is what you make it and I seem to always make it good, because it is.  A lot of people want to try to figure out the kingdom of God and know what he is up to, well, you're not…It’s God, he’s a lot smarter and we are, we're mere humans and it’s his secrets and he can share them or not.  If we knew, could we even understand?  Why it is important anyway and we're trying to put ourselves on his playing field and we never will.
This is the story; it’s more than has been asked for by many.  I have had several dozen people ask through emails or PM’s and many didn't want to ask but wanted to know.  I've meant to offend no one, just the facts and my opinion.
I've always believed you get out of life what you put into it and, live it to the fullest; it can be a nice place…A new journey has started and an old one has ended; let’s see what can come of it.   Ken

PS.  This was hard for me, I sat and wrote it at one time without any edits or corrections, just some of my thoughts and I won't do it often.  There is one more serious story that I will write and it’s about a Therapy dog, “Abbie the Border Collie” that came to visit me.  Little did I know that just one week before this event, while I was work shadowing them, I would be in the very hospital that they worked at….